June 28, 2007

Question: My brothers see the 4th of July as a time for loud (and illegal) fireworks, too much beer and dirty jokes. This is not what we want for our kids, and we're trying to figure out how to make it a special time without falling into these old family patterns that have made holidays unpleasant for us in the past.

Answer: You've taken an important step just by recognizing that you don't want to repeat some of your family's patterns and that you want to create some new traditions for you and your children. You didn't mention your children's ages. But, as you think about holiday plans, keep in mind that kids of any age value time when their parents step out of their workday roles and join them in play.

One of my own fondest childhood memories is of my grandfather taking me to the 4th of July festivities in his tiny hometown in southern Iowa. Every year we'd gather at his house and ride in his pickup truck to the little street carnival around the town square. We'd eat foods that I never ate on ordinary days. He would proudly introduce me to all of his buddies in front of the courthouse, and -- best of all -- he would go with me on every ride, from the pokey old merry-go-round to the thrilling tilt-a-whirl. Year after year I'd end the day sitting on the same worn old blanket, snuggled in my grandpa's arms, oohing and aahing together over the fireworks. Two things are especially important to me as I look back on those holidays: the fact that my grandpa really played with me, and the fact that we did the same things year after year -- a real tradition.

When I grew up and had children of my own, their grandparents were many miles away and there was no street carnival to seduce us with its wild rides. But, in our urban neighborhood filled with young families, we created our own silly and wonderful 4th of July tradition. With balloons and crepe paper we decorated every bike and stroller on the block. Then we blasted marching music from a boom box and had a great parade. My kids and I will always remember the uninhibited dad who showed up each year in a raincoat, flippers, and a goofy hat, banging two garbage can lids as huge cymbals.

So, on this 4th of July, try to see it through your children's eyes. Look for the wholesome fun in the ordinary things around you, and see where that takes you. If possible, join with other families who are looking to create new traditions. And, while you're at it, bring out the flag and teach your children the special meaning of this holiday. Celebrate together the precious liberties that are yours and mine.

Dr. Erickson and her daughter can be heard every Sunday, from 2 - 4 pm, on "Good Enough Moms," on FM107.1 radio in the Twin Cities or via Webcast at www.FM1071.com