February 8, 2007

Question: The time has come to put our family dog to sleep and our 8-year-old daughter is determined to be there for the procedure. We've agreed to let her be there, but we're not sure how to help her deal with it. She is very sad knowing that the dog will be gone. We want to make sure that her mental health is supported during this time. What do you suggest?

Answer: I know firsthand what a sad step this is to take, and you're wise to think ahead about how to help your daughter with it. Here are a few suggestions:

• Tell your daughter as clearly and specifically as possible what the procedure will be like. With an 8-year-old, you need to be very concrete in describing what the room will be like, what the veterinarian will do, how the dog will be kept calm and comfortable, what you and your family will do, and what will happen afterwards.
  
  
• Engage your daughter in planning how to make her dog as comfortable as possible during the last days or hours of his life, as well as during the actual procedure. Help your daughter understand that, as sad as this is, it is necessary to end the dog's suffering. And let her know how good it must feel to her dog to be with her at this time.
  
  
• Plan together a "memorial service" for the dog. For example, frame a favorite picture of the dog, light a candle, remember the fun times you had together, and focus on what was special about this pet. Let your sad feelings come out and acknowledge that this is a very hard thing to go through.
  
  
• Make time for your family to spend time together after the procedure. It can be difficult to come home to the empty house afterwards, so plan some comforting activities together. For example, take a walk, go out for lunch, or snuggle on the couch and watch a favorite video. I still remember when we had to end our dog's life about 10 years ago and how I just couldn't stand to be alone in my house that first day or two afterward - even as a middle-aged adult! I'm still grateful for the friend who came over, took a walk with me, and just let me be sad.
  
  
• Many children find comfort in expressing their feelings through art or writing. If your daughter is so inclined, encourage her to draw or paint a picture of her dog - or write a story about his life with your family. If the feelings are too raw to do this right away, your daughter may want to do this a week or two later. The sad feelings don't disappear quickly, so it can be helpful to stay attuned to your daughter's feelings and encourage her to express them in ways that feel helpful to her over the next few weeks.

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Dr. Erickson and her daughter can be heard every Sunday, from 2 - 4 pm, on "Good Enough Moms," on FM107.1 radio in the Twin Cities or via Webcast at www.FM1071.com