Question: My husband and I both grew up in homes where no one ever talked about sex. We want to do things differently with our children, but we need some guidance about when and how to take on this touchy subject.

Answer: For many adults, one of the most uncomfortable tasks of parenting is talking to their kids about sex. It used to be that parents had a talk about "the birds and the bees" as their children approached adolescence. But today even very young children often see or hear explicit sexual information through TV, music, or from older children. In a world filled with casual and often negative images of sexuality, it is more important than ever that parents take responsibility for giving their kids good, age-appropriate information, communicating important values about love, respect and healthy sexual behavior.

Since you didn't say how old your children are, I'll give you some general guidelines:

* Start early so that it is a natural, matter-of-fact part of the child's learning. With very young children this means teaching them about body parts and functions and answering all of their "what's this" and "why's that" questions. It is in these early years that you begin to establish an atmosphere of openness and trust.

* When your children ask questions, it's important to give them straightforward answers in language they can understand. Sometimes parents offer much more information than their children want or need. But if you take your cues from your children, they usually will let you know when they are ready for more information.

* With words and nonverbal communication, give your children a clear message that they always can come to you. If they ask things about your personal sex life -- as children often do -- set clear boundaries but don't shame them for asking. (For example, you might smile and say, "There are some things that are private for me -- just as there are for you.")

* When your children are young it's important to regulate what they see and hear on TV and in movies. Then as they get older, it's important to mediate what they see and hear by discussing it with them. It is the parents' job to communicate values about sex and relationships, making sure that children have a healthy context for thinking about this important aspect of life.

* Most of all, set an example. The best thing parents can do is give their children a model of a loving, respectful relationship that includes sex and romance, as well as deep friendship and trust.

Dr. Erickson and her daughter can be heard every Sunday, from 2 - 4 pm, on "Good Enough Moms," on FM107.1 radio in the Twin Cities or via Webcast at www.FM1071.com