November 1, 2007

Question: Our son always has done very well in school. He learns quickly, gets good scores on tests, and participates well in class. However, this year (in fifth grade) he has quite a bit of homework, including some long-term projects, and he's losing points in class because his assignments are incomplete or he loses his papers. I want to help him, but my husband says it's important for our son to take responsibility. What do you advise?

Answer: Assuming your son is still doing well in the classroom and on tests, this problem most likely reflects a lack of organizational skills. Although your husband is right that a fifth-grader needs to be accountable for his own work, many children require some adult coaching and encouragement to develop strategies for managing work and completing tasks. Here are some steps you could take to help your son become more responsible for his homework.

* Work with your son to develop a system for organizing his assignments, perhaps a pocket folder for each subject or a 3-ring binder with dividers. Give him a small pocket calendar in which he can mark the due dates for assignments.

* Set aside one place at home where he will keep his homework, perhaps a basket or an office tray with an "in box" and "out box" that he can keep on a kitchen counter or near the coat closet. Monitor this with him until using it becomes a habit.

* Each evening go over his assignments with him to help him plan how he'll proceed. Then have him show you each assignment when he thinks it's complete. If anything is missing - or the work doesn't match the teacher's directions - have him re-do it right away.

* Figure out together a place where he can work most comfortably without distraction. Encourage him to think about how he works best - alone in his room or at the kitchen table while someone else is working nearby? Should he do his homework in total silence or with music in the background?

* Decide on a work schedule that suits him best. He may need a break after school to let off steam, or he may find it works best to do the work right after school and then relax. What's important is that your son tune in to his own rhythms and figure out what works best for him.

* Communicate with your son's teacher and let him or her know about the plan you and your son are implementing so the teacher can encourage your son's efforts. Request a weekly note or phone call from the teacher to let you know whether your son's work is complete and on time.

* Recognize your son's progress. Some kids work best if parents chart their progress or celebrate each successful week with a special activity or favorite meal. Others find verbal encouragement to be enough. Whatever your son needs, recognize that he's working hard to learn something that may not come naturally to him.

By catching this problem early and engaging your son in figuring out how to work it through, you will be helping him build critical skills for lifelong success.

Dr. Erickson and her daughter can be heard every Sunday, from 2 - 4 pm, on "Good Enough Moms," on FM107.1 radio in the Twin Cities or via Webcast at www.FM1071.com