September 27, 2007

Question: My 9-year-old son (a third grader) was always a sweet, easy-going, happy child. But in the last few weeks he's become increasingly belligerent with his sisters and sullen with us. I keep hearing that kids go into adolescent rebellion earlier than ever, but could this possibly be what's up with a 9-year-old?

Answer: Many parents do bemoan the fact that their children become adolescents way too soon these days. However, even as children approach adolescence, such a sudden change in behavior is not typical. It is more likely that your son is experiencing stress in some part of his life. Often when children are sad or anxious, it comes out as anger. And those feelings often are expressed in the relative safety of home--albeit in a way that makes life hard for the rest of the family. There are several steps you can take to uncover the reasons for your son's behavior change and to support him through whatever is bothering him.

• Talk calmly and directly to your son about the changes you have noticed. In a supportive way, tell him you think something must be bothering him and you would like to help him deal with it. Encourage him to tell you about his schoolwork, the ride on the school bus, and his experiences with his peers in the lunchroom or on the playground. Are there areas of his life where he is feeling socially rejected or unable to keep up with his peers or the expectations of teachers or coaches?
  
  
• Ask for a special conference with your son's teacher to learn about how he gets along with his peers and how he is doing in his schoolwork. In third grade, academic tasks increase in their difficulty and complexity and sometimes learning problems become apparent at that time. Build a partnership with his teacher to ensure that you are working together to offer extra support and encouragement, even as you both let him know he will not be allowed to take his feelings out on others.
  
  
• Look closely at what is happening at home or in the neighborhood. Has there been a change in your work situation? Has there been increased conflict with your spouse or other family members? Is there anything new with his sisters, even a recent success that triggered jealousy, especially if things were not going so well for your son?

Dr. Erickson and her daughter can be heard every Sunday, from 2 - 4 pm, on "Good Enough Moms," on FM107.1 radio in the Twin Cities or via Webcast at www.FM1071.com