September 20, 2007

Question: My husband and I are expecting our second child. We have been trying to prepare our 2-year-old son, but he is not interested at all when we try to bring up the subject of the new baby. Do you have any suggestions on how we can prepare our son or at least get him interested in talking about his new sibling?

Answer: You're wise to be thinking ahead about helping your son get ready for this big change in his life and yours. But it's not unusual for a 2-year-old to lack interest in something that isn't in the here-and-now. By nature, children this age are focused on what they can see and touch right this minute. Nonetheless, there are ways you might tap into your son's imagination by using play and stories to help him begin to anticipate the baby's arrival and develop some of the behaviors he will need with the new baby.

• Buy or borrow a baby doll if you don't already own one and engage your son in pretend play, practicing together how to handle a new baby. Show him how you will feed, rock, change and bathe the baby--and how your son can stay close to you while you do those things. Have him practice holding the baby, touching the baby softly, or offering the baby a soft toy. Tell him how proud you are of how gentle he is with the baby doll and remind him that pretty soon there will be a real baby for him to help with.
  
  
• Show your son pictures of himself as a baby and tell him stories about the things you did with him back then. Communicate how much you loved him then and still love him now that he's about to become a brother to a new baby.
  
  
• Ask the children's librarian at your public library to suggest some age-appropriate books about becoming a big brother. Since 2-year-olds often like the idea of being a "big boy," emphasize your son's transition to "big brother," forecasting some of the things he'll be able to do that a new baby can't (for example, play outside or eat big-boy food).
  
  
• As your due date approaches, tell your son clearly and simply what will happen when the new baby arrives. Tell him who will take care of him when you go into labor, who will bring him to the hospital to see his new brother or sister and where the baby will sleep when you come home.

Know that no matter how much you try to prepare your son, there are bound to be moments of jealousy and, perhaps, a little regression to go along with it. It's not unusual for toddlers to slip back to behaviors from when they were younger--wanting to drink from a bottle or be rocked to sleep, for example. And it's fine to let big brother be a baby sometimes. But with lots of assurance that you have room in your heart for two, your son and you should adjust well to this new family constellation.

Dr. Erickson and her daughter can be heard every Sunday, from 2 - 4 pm, on "Good Enough Moms," on FM107.1 radio in the Twin Cities or via Webcast at www.FM1071.com